


A Collection of Prayers

by mrangiecakes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-03 23:53:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrangiecakes/pseuds/mrangiecakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean never sees Cas again, but that doesn't stop him from praying every night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Collection of Prayers

**Author's Note:**

> This popped in my head while I was trying to sleep and I just had to get up and write it out real quick. I hope you enjoy it and forgive me for any mistakes. <3

Dean closed his eyes and as a single tear fell down his face.  He sighed and laid down on his memory foam mattress and tried not to replay what Cas had said. 

“I’m afraid I might kill myself.”

Those words haunted Dean.  They hung over him like a cloud, following him everywhere he went.  He almost brought it up to Sam, but decided against it.  It was a private conversation between Cas and himself and that’s the way he intended on keeping it.  Sam had enough to worry about.

 

* * *

 

“Yeah, I’m just gonna clock out early.  Night Sammy.”

Dean shut the door of his room and turned around to lean his back into it.  He hated seeing his little brother so vulnerable again.  He walked over and sat at the end of his bed, like he did every night, and he prayed to Cas.

“Hey, Cas.”  His voice broke slightly.  “I, uh, we’re running out of options here.  I don’t know what you’re doing up there,” _I don’t even know if you’re alive,_ his head added, but he quickly dismissed that thought.  He couldn’t think about that, not now.  “Sammy, he’s, uh, he’s got it kinda rough down here.  I’m helping as much as I can, but we’ve never done something like this before.  These trials your dad set up, it’s a bit bigger than what we’re used to.”  Dean turned to look at the chair in the corner of his room.  He wondered if Cas ever popped down while he was sleeping.  “I,” Dean started, “We need you down here.  Ok so just, uh, wrap up what you’re doing up there as quick as you can.”  He took one last glance around the room before collapsing into his pillow.

 

* * *

 

Dean chucked his empty beer bottle against the wall of his room.  “Come on, man,” he shouted into the air, “at least let us know if you’re friggin’ alive or not.”  He got up and stumbled over to the chair in the corner, picked it up, and slammed it against the wall, fracturing the wood.  He kicked the pile of debris breaking it even more.  “It’s not like you’ll ever friggin use it.”

On the other side of Dean’s door Sam sat against the wall.  He leaned his head back and listened to Dean call Cas every name in the book, and then start to cry before yelling again.  He wanted to go in there, but the last time he tried that it didn’t work out too well. 

Every night Dean prayed and every night Sam listened.  Some nights Dean would just tell Cas about their day.  He would tell him about the shitty burgers at the diner they went to, or sometimes he would just talk.  He wouldn’t talk about anything in particular; sometimes it sounded like Dean was just saying the first things that came to his mind.  But some nights were more like this night.  Dean would throw things against the wall and yell until his voice gave out.

Sam closed his eyes and silently said a small prayer himself, simply asking Cas if he was alright.

“Dammit, Cas!”  Dean’s voice was shaking heavier than usual.  “Cas, I, I love you.  Alright?  I love you.  Will that make you get your feathery ass down here? I need you, Cas, I need you.  Please.”

Sam sighed and covered his face with his hands.  He hated hearing his big brother so vulnerable.

 

* * *

 

A few months later Dean stumbled happily into his room and jumped into his bed.  “Man, you are not gonna to believe this.  One, we managed to actually do something without one of us biting the bullet, and two, well I guess two kind of goes alone with one, but we closed the friggin gates.  I can’t believe it.  I think Sammy was right about what he said about the trials.  They were physically making him sick and all cancer-patient-like.  After we closed the gates he was just kind of, better, you know?  I mean, we’re still just as fucked up as we’ve always been, but man, we’re good.  We’re both good.  Wish you were here to celebrate.  It’s not very often we get the chance.”

 

* * *

 

Years went by and Dean still prayed.  It felt sort of like a habit now and he couldn’t sleep until he talked to Cas for a bit.  He finally understood what people were saying when they said talking to people helped you get through tough times.  Some nights he felt discouraged and doubted if Cas even heard him, but in the back of his head he always believed that he did, wherever he was.

The hardest part for Dean wasn’t just not seeing or hearing from Cas, it was that he constantly beat himself up for not being a better friend to him.  His head was always swarming with ‘what ifs’ and it drove him crazy.  What if he’d been more honest?  What if he’d just plain out told Cas that he loved the guy, platonically or not, to see where it would have went.  Hell, maybe it wouldn’t have panned out, but who knows?

Dean rolled over onto his back and started talking to Cas.  “Hey, Cas, so Sam’s seeing Amelia again.  I finally talked him into it.  I know what it’s like to have ‘what ifs’ and I didn’t want him to deal with that.  Turns out I was right in telling him to go find her.  That night that he had to choose between her and hunting, she left Don.  I guess she didn’t feel right knowing that she could never get over Sam.  He brought her back to the batcave and they keep trying to set me up with her friends but... I don’t know, man.  Not now.  I’d really like to see you, though, so, uh, just whenever you have time.  Alright, talk to you tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Cas, today was the best day of my life, seriously.  You should have seen them.  Remember how I told you that Sam would cry like a baby when he saw her walk down the aisle?  I was right.  But man, I would have too.  She was stunning.  She wanted four bridesmaids so a few of her cousins were groomsmen with me.  I’ve never seen Sam so happy, though.  I’m glad he can finally have something stable.  He keeps mentioning that I should at least start dating again.  I just don’t feel like it’s the right time.”  Dean paused for a moment. “I know you’re watching out for us, and I know it’s thanks to you that we’re here, so thank you.  Thank you for looking after my little brother”

Across the state Sam sat in the bathroom of a five-star hotel.  He and Amelia didn’t want to go on some huge honey-moon, so they just picked the nicest hotel they could find to stay at for a few days.  Sam sat on the cold, porcelain, toilet a prayed to Cas.  “Cas, listen, I know I haven’t talked to you in a while, but this is important.  I need you to look after Dean.  Amelia and I are moving out of the batcave, we can’t raise a family down there.  I don’t know how Dean’s going to take it, I know he’s going to be okay with it, he’s actually the one who mentioned it, but I know it’s going to be rough for him.  I need you to make sure he’s okay.  I need you to watch him.  So, if you’re there, just, please.  Watch out for my big brother.”

 

* * *

 

“Cas, guess what, I’m finally an uncle. I know I told you the due-date was yesterday, but the little bugger wanted to cook for an extra day.”  Dean sat at the end of his bed and told Cas everything about his niece.  They named her Cassandra, after Cas, and she was beautiful.  She was barely a day old but she already mastered Sam’s puppy-eyes.  Dean talked for longer than usual that night.  He told Cas that he would start hunting more frequently to make the world a safer place for her.  He told Cas what he thought she was going to be like, and he told him that if any guy thinks that he’s going to try to date her that they were going to have to go through uncle Dean first.

 

* * *

 

“Not gonna lie, Cas, I never thought I would live this long.  You know what I friggin found today? A freakin’ gray hair.  A bunch of them.  What the hell?  Sam tried making fun of me for it, but he didn’t have any room to talk.  He’s gettin’ a beer gut and it’s hilarious.  I never thought I’d see my little brother and I live this long and I can’t thank you enough.  I know you’re there watching out for us.”

 

* * *

 

“Cassandra started high school today.  Sam and I dropped her off together.  I couldn’t let him just go, he isn’t really that intimidating anymore ever since he started getting chunky, and we need the guys to know that she’s off limits.  Me, on the other hand, I’m still in shape.  Some high school girls were giving me a second look, so I know I still got it.”

 

* * *

 

“Sam, uh,” Dean took a deep breath and held back his tears.  “Sam, he died, today.  Heart attack.  I, uh, mm.”  Dean stopped.  He cried for a while before continuing.  “I was with him.  By the time the paramedics got there it was too late.  I guess, uh, it was like I always told him.  If he was going to die it was going to be by something normal.  I just hope he’s with you, now.  Look out for my little brother up there, Cas.”

 

* * *

 

“I walked Cassie down the aisle today.  She looked so much like her mom when she and Sam got married.  I wish Sam could have seen what a beautiful woman she’s become.  She’s just like him.  She’s stubborn as hell, and smart, which is good.  She found a good guy.  He’s good to her, and he better stay good if he knows what’s good for him.”

Dean cursed his achy bones.  He was on his way to have dinner with Amelia and Cassandra and sitting in the Impala for too long made his hips cramp.  “Friggin hip,” Dean mumbled.  He dug around for his bottle of pills.  “You know if you could just come down here and use your mojo I wouldn’t have to take this friggin stuff.”

Dean was too busy trying to get his bottle of pills open to see the truck heading towards him cross into his lane; he was killed instantly.

 

* * *

 

Dean woke up in a strange room.  It was clean and small and the only thing in it was the bed that he woke up on.  He looked around frantically and wondered what happened.  He looked down at his hands; they were smooth again.  His whole body was wrinkle-free and he felt 26 again.

He stood up and headed for the door across from the bed.  He stepped out into a beautiful park, overflowing with trees and flowers.  He’d been here before, only it looked a bit different to him now.  “Alright, so I made it to heaven.”

From his left he heard a familiar voice. 

“Hello, Dean.”


End file.
